This is the BEST time of the year! We’ve weathered two Christmases prior to this one, but our boy is awake enough to realize that some really great shiz is happening this time of year, and that Santa is gonna do some magic on Christmas Eve. Every time we take him sledding, he says “ho, ho ho!” I say sledding, but what I really mean is “every time we drag him behind us on a sled.”
Side note: when BC was barely old enough to sit upright, Husband and I would put him on a sled, strap him in, and take him for a ride. The early onset of the sleigh rides could be explained by the following: believed in fresh air, we were bored, and we had absolutely no idea what else to do with the little guy. More than once we looked back during our circular snow route only to find our child sideways, face plowing the snow. Husband once carried on for a good five minutes before realizing Boychild had tumbled out the back of the sled and was lying prostrate in a snowbank, shocked, but otherwise unscathed.
This year was the introduction of Santa Claus, because he was too young to get it before now. I had serious reservations about introducing Santa to our household. Do I really want to lie to my child? Because, y’all, there is no Santa. As trust is a fragile thing, I just thought, “can I lie to him”? Should I lie to him? Should I lie to my dear only child and tell him that the presents his father and I selected and labored for actually come from a sneaky, smoking elf with type II diabetes? I’m not sure about the diabetes. Just a guess. Also, part of me wants credit. I’m an actor from way back and I want applause for my work, so Eff You, Santa. We did this, not you. This need for acknowledgement is hilariously ironic, as I know that being a parent means RARELY GETTING APPRECIATED BY YOUR SPAWN.
On the other hand, I feel like we have so little magic left in the world, so why not make something a mystery? Why not let our little boy think that there is a benevolent force out there who brings him his heart’s desire once a year?
So, we did the Santa thing.
With our child’s hopeful heart set on a cuckoo clock, Husband- er, I mean Santa- had the unenviable task of tracking down a cuckoo clock that was
- Less than $100,
- Worked
- Wasn’t butt-ugly (this was my request)
And holy crap, Husband found one for free! It’s a traditional model with a leaf motif and “West Germany” stamped on the side. Bonus- when he took it apart for repair, Husband found a photo negative of what looked like a young man being surprised on the toilet. Hubs and I thought “is this a photo taken right before a murder? Is this a still from a schizer film? Why was there a pic of a young guy on the toilet circa 1980 in our free cuckoo clock?” We will never know . . .
Boychild loves the cuckoo Santa brought him. He is perpetually excited by the possibility that the cuckoo will come out. Admittedly, we hoped the cuckoo clock would sort of, uh, ameliorate his obsession with cuckoo clocks, but it has not. Daily we are regaled with cuckoo impressions and hounded by requests to ”watch cuckoo bird” on T.V. In case you’re curious, we left the photo negative inside, to confuse and titillate future owners.
I cannot wait to hear what strange thing our child will ask Santa for next year.
Fussy Pantz 