We have a third member of the family. His name is Carl, and he lives in my son’s nose. Carl is a booger that’s taken residence in Boychild’s right nostril. He’s been around for about three days and we cannot get him out, despite many attempts to blow him out.… Read More Put a Little Boogie In It
Boychild and I have started our own film studio. He’s writing, I’m directing and we’re casting local toys as actors. It all began with a sock puppet named “Sadie Danger,” who was a terrible puppet at the start. She would do all the bad things, and Boychild would have to be her moral center. Sadie’s gotten less troublesome as she’s evolved, becoming more mischievous than bad, but she still makes messes and tries to eat things that aren’t food. We love Sadie. … Read More The Creative Spirit
I’m really rethinking this whole bi-pedal thing. I mean sure, it frees us your hand for throwing things at predators and also allows you to mate face-to-face , but when it comes to locomotion, it has a lot of drawbacks, like having to use crutches when you’ve got a bum foot.… Read More Keep On Crutchin’
Here’s how I cook dinner for my child:
Get four frozen nuggets from a bag. These are the ones with the hidden veggies and this is the only kind he will eat more than two of. … Read More Cooking Dinner
I thought that a “why”-spouting child was a myth. Or a punchline. You’ve seen it: the adorable tousled child asking “why” over and over again until the parents run out of answers and want to scream. “That doesn’t happen,” I thought naively, thinking that the “why child” was a running gag, like how all women like shoes (I don’t) or how men love blowjobs (this one is probably correct). … Read More Lord of the Whys
It’s been a rough couple of weeks. My Google searches have been thus:
Parenting the Strong-Willed Child
When Parenting isn’t Fun
Discipline for Pre-Schoolers
Cancer
They Might Be Giants Kids Album
How to Lose Weight
Who Will Win the Election 2020
COVID Weight Gain + Anxiety
Cancer
Child Keeps Hitting Mom
etc.
Fussy Pantz 