Anyhow, on our way to Chuck E. Cheese, I had this tickling in the back part of my brain and I said to Husband, “Wasn’t Chuck E. Cheese named something else back in the day?” He looked at me like I was going mad. “No. I don’t think so. It’s always been Chuck E. Cheese.”… Read More Why Do My Arms Hurt?: An Investigation
Boychild was pretty good with an outburst-ratio of once per 20 minutes. I didn’t feel that at the time, though. I was covered in flop-sweat, like some Rodney Dangerfield wanna-be in a cold room. I felt totally unprepared. Then, just as I was finishing the presentation, I hear Husband come home and yell loudly, “Hellooooooo?” Then, he came upstairs, into the frame of the Zoom call to ask how I was doing. I was still presenting. I ignored him as though he were a spectre. Nothing to see here! Still totally professional! Don’t know what YOU saw. Everything is totally professional! I didn’t stop this presentation to answer a beaver question! I don’t know who said HELLO! Who is that guy opening a door on camera? Must be a robber! I might be murdered! I have no personal life! Please don’t fire me!… Read More F*ckin’ COVID
My little thief took off into the parking lot, elephant keychain in hand. No one was going to stop him! He was going to have his GEE-DEE elephant! Now, I don’t know about y’all, but in my family, you DID NOT steal. My parents were not into corporal punishment, but I knew that if I stole something and got caught, woe be unto me. Also, it’s wrong to steal when it’s not food or smokes. … Read More Le Petit Voleur*
The Lady Dynamite theme song is how I feel as both a human and a parent. I felt this before COVID and I feel it intensely now that COVID has hit and I have a child under five. I am faced with impossible decisions daily. If you are a parent, you know what I mean:
I don’t know what I’m doiiing more than half of the tiiime.
Now, if you’ve ever been a parent in Vermont, you know that kids are named many strange and interesting things. I’ve come across a young’un named Syzygy, and another named Ebenezer.… Read More Pre ‘kay?
We have a third member of the family. His name is Carl, and he lives in my son’s nose. Carl is a booger that’s taken residence in Boychild’s right nostril. He’s been around for about three days and we cannot get him out, despite many attempts to blow him out.… Read More Put a Little Boogie In It
Fussy Pantz 