Last week, I was felled by what I can only imagine was a troupe of rogue viruses performing experimental theater in my digestive tract. It lasted 24 hours, involved lots of weird noises, and made me nearly crap my pants, just like some of the best experimental theater in Manhattan today. My virus was not,… Read More Parental Guidance
So, I’m sitting in the doctor’s office with Boychild, waiting to be seen by the P.A. Suddenly, Boychild retches, spilling the contents of his tiny tummy all over me. My first thought is “how can so much puke come out of a child so small? Does he store vomit in a hump somewhere like a… Read More Flu Hair, Do Care.
As part of the unemployed elite, my beauty routine is severely disrupted, so I sometimes forget my deodorant. I spoke to a friend this morning where I loudly lamented that I smelled “Like a trash can”. Thank the lord that we were on the phone and that she couldn’t experience my stank firsthand. Not that… Read More Sexy, Sexy Unemployment
Dealing with the terrible twos is like living with Genghis Khan. A tiny, adorable Genghis Khan. Oh, he’s slaying, riding horses (well, a pig with wheels) and he has weapons- tons of weapons. Just give him something- he’ll turn it into a weapon: cat toys, washrags, spatulas. He’s really been into fly-swatters lately, and cries… Read More Tiny Barbarian
Hey- did you know that having a child will make you sick? I mean, not just the birthing part where you can’t sit down without a rubber doughnut for months. No. SICK! I mean, sick. Colds, flu, some weird skin disease that looks like you’re rotting. I didn’t know this. I would’ve invested in liters… Read More Mal à la tête
My child, my darling 2 year old brushed my teeth for me today. He took his little baby brush with the buck toothed bristles (he has another perfectly good brush, but hates it) and stuck it right on my teeth right in my MOUTH. In. My. Mouth. Now, there are many gross things in this… Read More Gag a Maggot
Fussy Pantz 