Hey! I should be making dinner right now, and writing a paper for class and I should probably fold that clean laundry that’s been withering in my room for weeks, but I don’t want to do any of that. What I want to do is write. Boychild started pre-K last month, and it’s been a hoot. He never knows what he did and when we ask him the names of the kids in his class, he has no idea who they are. He did say that there was one kid in his class that he knew the name of. I said, “Oh good! What’s his name?” Boychild replied, “Top Toofer.”

Now, if you’ve ever been a parent in Vermont, you know that kids are named many strange and interesting things. I’ve come across a young’un named Syzygy, and another named Ebenezer. A friend of a friend’s kids is named Maisin, so Top Toofer isn’t really that off the mark. Since Boychild is an unreliable witness, I was not sure that there actually was or is a Top Toofer and I’m still not sure. It could go either way. Anyhow, Top Toofer has become a funny in-joke in my family, and if he exists, I apologize. He went from classmate to the little boy who hides in our neighbors’ treehouse. Now, we try to “get” each other, like I used to do with those “deez nuts” jokes back in high school college summer of 2021.
“Guess what they named the new baby panda in the Philly Zoo?”
“What?”
“Top Toofer.” (laughter ensues)

Each week, we get a little piece of paper with some info on what the kids have been up to in pre-k, and that is also hilarious. It shows the students mood (B.C. is always happy), what they ate, and what activities they did. Every day, Boychild comes home covered in yogurt, so I usually know what he ate. The school does a great job of offering them new and interesting foods, like Thai chicken salad and turkey rollups, but Boychild will have none of it. Won’t even try it. We made chana dal this weekend. Read a whole book about it. Went to three places trying to find chana. He helped make it, then wouldn’t touch one bit. He did tell me that he tried strawberry yogurt for the first time and wasn’t I proud? Yes. Yes, baby. I am proud of your culinary adventurousness!

In the activities report, I noticed that every activity is about apples. They ate different apples. They cut out pictures of apples. They made apples. They danced an apple dance. I mean, I know we live in Vermont, but what is it with all the F*#@ing apples? There are more fruits out there, y’all. Is next month fig month? Does each fruit get their time to shine? What about vegetables? Do have to wait until kindergarten for the veggie learning units? I know everyone is trying their best. I’m just curious as to the obsession with apples. I mean, if his teacher was named “Eve,” I’d totally get it, but it’s not. I don’t actually know his teachers’ names, which is ironic. He refers to them as Miss O and Miss M., which could really stand for anything: Opelika and Montgomery; Ophelia and Marilyn; Otis and Max; Orange and Magenta. Again, this is Vermont. They could be named anything. I do want to add that I cannot imagine what it’s like to be an educator in COVID times. Holy crap, that’s tough. Orange and Magenta are doing a great job with Boychild, and I really appreciate all the apples, even though I grouse in jest. Thank you, Miss M and Miss O

This is all to say that pre-k is going well. I still have yet to learn if Top Toofer is real. I will let you know.