Hello. I am eating Flaming Hot Cheetos and drinking white wine. I have been officially rejected oh, 6 times? I’ve had 6 interviews and they’ve all turned me down.

Hold on.

Let me refresh my wine and Cheetos.

That’s better. Did you know the first ingredient in Cheetos is enriched corn meal? I think they feed that to hogs to fatten them up. I feel like Flaming Hot Cheetos is a snack for Sado-Masochists. I really want to scald my tongue and also be fattened up like the Christmas ham. Gimme them Cheetos.

Today was also my last day at a temp job that I enjoyed, thought the commute was brutal and my availability was less than ideal. That was interview and rejection # 5 for me, and my lack of summer availability cost me the full-time gig. But honestly, I was not their forever person. I’m doing a 180 career shift, so.

I spent the last 4 months driving 50 minutes up and down a mountain listening to the podcast “My Dad Wrote a Porno” and playing old C.D.s from college. At least twice a day, I obsessively played “Pump Up the Volume” at the beginning and end of work. I found it strange how I kept coming back to the same song time and time again, but whatever. It’s a cool song and a great bookmark of the nearly 1 hour journey.

Rejection #1 was the worst interview experience I’ve ever had. After applying in June, I received an invitation to interview in August. The committee was visibly unimpressed and unenthused. This crew looked like someone had turned down their contrast/ saturation in Photoshop while simultaneously bleeding them with leeches.  It was a tough crowd. None of my jokes landed and I gave the worst fake smile I’d ever given. I left crying to Husband that it was a disastrous interview. I didn’t get the job.

Interview #2 was with T.J. Maxx. I love T.J. Maxx. It is the only place to buy pants within a 45 minute radius of where I live. But then I found out how much they pay and that they were only hiring for nights, so much like T.J. Maxx’s pants, it wasn’t a good fit.

Interview #3 was with the head of a company who spoke at me for 1.5 hours about what good things he’s done since coming on board and what good things the company has done since he’s come on board. He spent all that time displaying his plumage to me, and I never said more than “mmhmm” or “Wow. Great.” He never asked me one question about myself or my experience. Then, like a bad date, he ghosted.

Interview #4 was actually quite pleasant. Two young women who were very nice interviewed me about trash disposal. They were stylish and clever and I liked them. I told them I was a goofball. They went with someone already in the company. I should not have told them I was a goofball.

Interview #5 was where I was temping: a lovely place full of really great people. When I left my former job, I thought I may never find the right cabal of sensitive, loving and intelligent people, but if anything comes close, it’s my temp place which I will not name because I don’t know if they’d like that. I will miss them, but I was not as available as they needed me to be.

Interview #6 was a very nice, very kind place who I don’t think knew what they wanted. It was a new position and I think they wanted someone with all the answers, while all I had were questions. The upside is that I took an online assessment test and it states that “Overall, H has superior, versatile skills and should learn quickly and perform well at almost any task in the workplace.”  Can I put that on my resume?

My child saw me crying today. I had to explain to him that I was sad, but that I would be fine. I feel like a square peg in a world full of round holes, and that sucks.  I want Boychild to see me sad and then see me get over it. It’s really important to me that he’s not scared of negative emotions, because they happen and they’re human and seriously, tears are not the end of the world. Unless you’re crying blood. Then you need to see a doctor. Or a priest.

So right now, I have ¼ bag of Cheetos and am out of wine.  It’s time to dry my tears, call it a night and go to bed. I’ll get over it, then move on. So goes life.  ❤