I’m no longer the favorite. I can’t sit at the lunch table with the cool kids anymore. The  Mamacene era is over. It’s the Dadassic period now. 🙂

It wasn’t always this way.

When I was breast feeding, Husband said he  felt like a vestigial parent. We weren’t using bottles yet, and he literally couldn’t feed our child. Despite his desire, he just didn’t have the equipment to get the job done. He felt about as useful as “tits on a boar” as we say in the South. It was a game-changer to move to breast pumps and bottles. I finally got more than 2 hours sleep at a time, and he could provide nourishment to our little squirmy meatball. I even got him a hands-free bottle holder that he could wear over one shoulder, mimicking the position of a breast. But as the one with the boobs, I was the star of the show. My leading-lady status continued long after Boychild moved to solid foods and was secure up until a few weeks ago. 

Now, I am relegated to a bit player, or more accurately, an understudy in case Dad isn’t around. 

The thing I can tell you for certainty about raising a child is that it’s always changing. You think you learn the rules, then something else happens. As soon as you whisper to yourself “We got this,” the behavior changes, your child makes a cognitive leap, s/he starts throwing juice cups at your head and all of a sudden, you don’t got this anymore. Nope. Not even a little. Change. Change. Change the diapers. Change the wardrobe. Change the way you think. Change daycares. Change, change. Turn, turn, turn. 

My relationship with Husband changed radically when I had Boychild. I remember lying in bed while I was pregnant and sobbing because I was so afraid something would happen to him or he’d decide this whole thing was crazy and he’d bolt. I’ve always been independently-minded, so I was horrified at how much I needed him, both emotionally and what, non-emotionally? We went from romantic partners to parents who were still romantic partners but who more importantly were charged with sustaining a very fragile creature. Our baby was hearty- I’ve seen some babies that looked like plucked chickens- but he was still extremely vulnerable, as babies tend to be. When Husband and I got together, I thought of us as two puppies rolling around, playing, having a great time. With that image there was a sense of freedom and lack of responsibility. Carefree days. When Boychild came along, I could no longer pretend that I didn’t need someone absolutely, and I think Husband shared that realization, too. My love felt heavy, weighed with the burden of vulnerability.  I’ve never had to trust someone as much as I trust him. As Boychild grew, our relationship lightened a bit. We had dates and occasional nights off where we could visit our puppyhood and play. But we also poured ourselves into being parents and became co-CEO’s of Boychild Inc. We hold board meetings, review our findings, check on the ROI’s and review the diaper analytics. There may or may not be Power Points involved. It’s working pretty well. 

No doubt raising a child is a process of figuring out what they need from you. At first my relationship to Boychild was so simple: he was the baby, and I was his everything. There. That’s it. Case closed. As he became more independent and didn’t need me for his minute-to-minute survival, our relationship developed more nuance. I was guardian, comedian, chef, hype man, boo-boo kisser,  snuggler-in-chief, bedtime blanket-bringer etc. Now he wants Dad to do all those things, and I’m just sittin’ here. Juuust sittin’ here. I know this will rebalance and I will once again be the Most Valuable Parent. This is definitely a lesson in empathy, as Husband was once the one whom Boychild didn’t want around. He’d yell “Go, Dada, GOOOOO!” when we were playing and Dad joined. He’d also get really upset when we had to wake up Dad in the morning. So Dada, I feel your pain now. It kinda hurts to be on the outside looking in, but I do have a lot of extra time now, evicted as I am from my son’s life. This morning I slept until 9:42! So, I guess enjoy it or not enjoy it while we can, because in the wink of a toddler’s eye, it will change.