It’s official. Boychild has a bad case of the yes/nos. He came down with it on or around his 2nd birthday and it’s really affecting all of us. We adults are confused, the cats are on edge- we’re all a mess. Thank goodness it’s not contagious, but it IS right annoying.

The yes/nos are an affliction wherein the patient (usually a toddler) wants something desperately, with a deep, heady desire. They will beg fervently, reach out their arms, cry hot tears on your chest and yell into your face until their demands are met. You play “Baby Shark”, you give them that snack, you take them to the playground, etc. As soon as they get what they want, that’s when the “no”s start. With the same fervency that accompanied their begging comes their rejection of that very thing they begged for. A typical exchange goes something like this:

Boychild: Daniel Tiger! Daniel Tiger! Daniel Tiger! Daniel Tiger!
Me: Okay, let’s watch Daniel Tiger! (plays Daniel Tiger) Oh, this is a good one! He learns a lesson about something and they sing a song!
Boychild: No! Noooo (begins to weep) Nooo Daniel Tiger. Noooooo!
Me: Okay (clicks off Daniel Tiger)
Boychild: (sniffles)
Me: Do you want some cheese?
Boychild: YEAH!!
Me: (proffering a piece of cheese) Here ya go
Boychild: (chewing cheese) You’re welcome, mama. (He’s still confused about “thank you” and “you’re welcome”)
Me: Thank you, baby
Boychild: (plaintively) Daniel Tiger?
~Rinse. Repeat.~

We’re currently treating the yes/nos at home with a mixture of distraction and patience. We tried reasoning with him, but we were fools. Do not try to reason with a toddler. It is a lesson in futility and it will melt your brain.
For parents of children with a bad case of the yes/nos, I recommend a large glass of wine and some primal scream therapy.